I have so much respect for Jacob! Despite his many flaws, and despite his own grief and anguish in this specific moment, he refused to let his son’s future be determined by misplaced blame. Instead he decided to man up, deal with his own pain, and speak a blessing over his son’s life. He pronounced in faith who he believed his son would be, instead of merely describing the current problem.
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Scripture
Genesis 35:18
And as her soul was departing (for she was dying), she called his name Ben-oni; but his father called him Benjamin.
Observation
So much grief is contained in this short passage! Rachel (the favorite wife of Jacob) is in labor with her second son, and something goes wrong. She realizes that she is not going to survive, and in her final moments names the child ‘Ben-oni’, or ‘son of my sorrow’. Her journey is at an end. She will not be there to see Joseph reach adulthood, she will not be around to raise Benjamin, she will not be there to grow old with Isaac. As this reality hits her, it becomes easy to place the blame on her newborn son. Though he has done no wrong, he will now carry for his entire life the label of being the sorrow of his mother.
But then Jacob steps into the room, and hears what is happening. Though his heart was surely breaking, he made an incredibly courageous decision in that critical moment–instead of letting his son’s identity become ‘sorrow of his mother’, he instead changes his name to Benjamin: (‘son of my right hand’, or ‘son of my fortune’). Of all the many sons of Jacob, Benjamin is the only one whom he personally named–and the name that he picked was a declaration of his worth to his father, and of his father’s love for him.
Application
How do I react when I’m hurting? When things don’t go the way I want, and when I’m experiencing pain (or even merely frustration), how do I treat those around me? Do I look for someone to blame, and someone on whom to pile my anger? In those moments blame is usually the quickest and easiest reaction…but rarely am I actually correct in who I blame. Like Rachel, it’s easy for me to simply blame whoever is nearby and available. They may be an easy target, but that doesn’t mean they are responsible for my issue! The words that I speak in those moments often carry greater significance than I realize. The accusations, the labels, the harsh remarks…they sink in deep, and continue to affect their hearer long after my own pain is finished and after I’m gone from the scene.
I have so much respect for Jacob! Despite his many flaws, and despite his own grief and anguish in this specific moment, he refused to let his son’s future be determined by misplaced blame. Instead he decided to man up, deal with his own pain, and speak a blessing over his son’s life. He pronounced in faith who he believed his son would be, instead of merely describing the current problem.
I choose to be a father and a leader like that! Sometimes life hurts, and sometimes grief hits hard…that’s just cold hard truth. But I choose to speak words of life, and I choose to pronounce blessing over my family and over those I lead instead of lashing out in anger and casting unfair blame. I choose to raise Benjamin’s, not Ben-oni’s.
Prayer
God, help me to exercise wisdom and self-control this week when I’m hurting or frustrated. Help me not to cast blame as a way of dealing with my own emotions, and instead teach me to speak life into those around me. Thank you for being willing to suffer for me, and for showing me your love even when I have brought you pain!
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