Scripture
‘We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”’ Numbers 13:33
Observation
The bad report brought back by the majority of the spies was catastrophic for the nation of Israel, and nearly resulted in God wiping them out with a plague. Their negative report did not stem from the giants that they saw, or even from their lack of faith. Their bad report was ultimately rooted in their own toxic self-identity. “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes…and we looked the same to them.”
How could they expect the giants to see them as anything other than grasshoppers, if that was how they saw themselves?
How could they expect to have faith to overcome in battle, if they saw themselves in such a toxic light?
Though free from their bondage in Egypt, they were still in a prison of their own minds. God had set them free in a mighty way, and put His stamp of approval and protection on them–not because of who they were in themselves, but because of who they were in Him. When they looked at the giants and saw themselves as grasshoppers, they were not just feeling a lack of confidence. In essence, they were rejecting the presence and power of God in their lives…and God judged them for it.
Caleb and Joshua had a different outcome, because they embraced their God-given identity. Though they had also been slaves, they no longer saw a slave when they looked in the mirror. They accepted the presence, power, and provision of God into their lives, as they accepted the new identity that God had given them.
Application
Frequently in my life, I have looked in the mirror and not liked what I saw looking back at me. I have spent long seasons and years of my life, rejecting and avoiding the identity that Christ has given me. In those same seasons, I have often not liked the way that others saw me. This passage of scripture brings out an important truth that I have witnessed in my own life: The way that I perceive myself has a direct impact on the way that others perceive me. When I look at myself with loathing, depression, and self-hatred…how could I expect others to feel differently?
In this season I choose to accept my identity in Christ. Not rejecting or avoiding it, not trying to be someone that I am not…but embracing the man that God created me to be, and the name by which He has called me. From here forward I choose to accept the power and presence of God in my life, as I seek to understand the way that my heavenly Father sees me-not a grasshopper, but a giant-slayer.
Prayer
God, thank you for my identity as Your son! Thank you that I am not who I used to be, and that I am not who I thought I was supposed to be. Thank you for creating me as I am, and for transforming me into the man that You desire me to be. Help me each day to see myself in the right way. Not puffed up with pride, nor yet pushed down in depression–but confidently standing in Your power and in Your name, even as the giants loom on the horizon.