I was recently chatting with a colleague, discussing a situation he had witnessed involving a man we’ll call Frank. He told me about a difficult decision that Frank had been forced to make. My colleague ultimately disagreed with the decision that Frank had made, but he made the observation to me that “Frank leads a life governed by principles.” Though he disagreed with the decision that Frank had made, he respected the values that led to it.
As my friend relayed this story to me, the thought struck me that ‘principles’ are not just a governing force in the life of those that are respectable, strong, or of high moral character. The truth is that every person on earth leads a life governed by principle, and guided by values. The only question is, what values guide us? What principles govern us?
Too often we think of values as nothing more than a corporate poster on the wall in the lunch room at work, placed there by some unknown office lackey in the distant past. Or perhaps we think of values as being the list of inspirational quotes that we ‘hearted’ last week on Instagram, or that we re-tweeted. In reality, our values are the principles that instinctively take over where the rubber meets the road, and when the crap hits the fan.
Our values are the principles that instinctively take over where the rubber meets the road, and when the crap hits the fan.
Through this lens, we can see that values are not so much picked, so much as they are revealed and molded. The town drunk lying in the gutter…is living a life governed by the value of destructive pleasure-seeking. The pickpocket in a crowd is living a life governed by the value of selfishness. The corporate embezzler is living a life governed by the values of deceit and greed. The neighborhood gossip is living a life governed by the values of slander and careless speech. The insecure and tyrannical white-collar manager is governed by the values of fear, pride, and self-doubt.
The question then becomes, what are YOUR values? Not the values to which you reach, or the values that you verbally profess, but YOUR values. The values that actually result in the decisions that you make. Take a look back at the last week (or month), and consider the biggest, hardest, or most profound decisions that you had to make. What were the forces that shaped your decision? Were those forces the same as the values which you profess and proclaim? What about the decisions that you had to make quickly, or on the fly? Were they governed by the same values?
The Greek poet Archilochus observed, “we do not rise to the level of our expectations–we fall to the level of our training.” In much the same way, we cannot truly know our own values until they are tested and tried.
So…what next? You may find that your values do in fact align closely with the values you profess. If so….great! You are already perceiving yourself clearly, and have a good foundation from which to begin intentionally shaping and molding your values. You may however discover some values that you didn’t know you had…or hoped you didn’t have. If so…great! You now have accurate (uncomfortable) information about yourself, which can help to guide your process of personal growth.
Whether you are happy or frustrated with what you’ve discovered, use this opportunity to begin to bring alignment between the values you profess, and the reality of the life you live. This may mean being more honest with yourself about what you truly value, and it may mean slowing down and taking the time to truly formulate decisions based on the things that you value–but I promise the result will be worth it, as you bring cohesion and alignment between your professed values, your revealed values, and the actuality of the decisions that you make.